Do you ever think about the word “charming”? Do we even still use that word anymore? If you think of the word “charming”, what comes to your mind?
To me, the word charming usually resonates with someone who is super attractive, well dressed, and able to function in any situation. Sort of like a life of the party. Maybe even somebody famous or rich. Interestingly, I’ve read that even psychopaths can be charming, like Casanova, who charmed women into believing that he loved them only to drop them later like a used article of clothing and move on to the next game.
But recently, while reading a classic movie actress’s memoir, I’ve discovered what the word “charming” really means. To my dismay, it turns out I was wrong with my prior assumptions. I didn’t understand the concept of being charming at all.
The truth is, being charming or charismatic means that one is not afraid to be unique in their way, and is being themselves while at the same time exuding kindness, good manners, and courtesy toward their surroundings. From what I’ve learned, it’s a quality or a trait that can’t be bought or easily taught. You either have it, or you don’t. Or you must practice.
For example, did you ever go to some event and noticed that people were congregating near one specific person the entire time? Why do you think that happened? While others were attempting to mingle or make relevant connections – that one person didn’t do anything, in particular, to make people flee to her like bees to honey. It just occurred naturally. Consequently, everyone lingered around her, and as the event progressed, just about everyone wanted to meet her. So one by one, they came up to introduce themselves.
Maybe she came to the party, not knowing a soul. However, being kind and genuine, she decided to step up to some random person in the room to see if maybe she could be useful or to find out something interesting about that individual. Subsequently, that individual’s colleague recognized the interaction between them and came over to eavesdrop out of sheer curiosity.
Afterward, that person’s friend decided to walk up and see what’s so exciting. And now the woman who came alone to the party is surrounded by a large group of people.
Furthermore, a charming person will accept her weaknesses. For instance, she will admit to not knowing the response to a question instead of pretending to have all the answers. Also, real charmers and I don’t mean the chameleons, don’t boast about their accolades and accomplishments, what car they drive, or what expensive vacation they indulged in. They remain humble and stay out of the spotlight to create a sense of mystery about themselves, which in result makes them so captivating.
Additionally, a charming woman attends social gatherings and events dressed nicely but without over trying. The same thing goes for a man. They don’t have to look like movie stars or models. If necessary, they embrace their modesty and admit to their faults without hiding them. That’s what makes these personalities so fascinating. We, humans, crave real stuff.
Moreover, charmers smile and are kind to everyone they talk to, whether it’s a person of a high statue like the town mayor or the catering crew at an event or the late-night cab driver. Consequently, this indisputable charm is so refreshing that they enchant everyone they meet.
This personal charm is not a product of physical beauty. A woman can be beautiful but boring and not captivating at all. Furthermore, if she lacks confidence, her beauty diminishes. The point of being charming carries with itself a specific type of honesty. I don’t mean for you to divulge all your secrets to potential strangers. I mean, recognize what’s right about yourself and express it fully. Remember that it’s not always comfortable to be yourself because we naturally like to protect ourselves. But as long as you remain brave about it, you are much better off in the long run. In the end, you must follow your intuition to find the right balance between honesty and discretion.
Also, as long as you examine your genuine authenticity and your motives while taking into consideration the people around you, you’re off to a good start. Charmers always follow the golden rule, and that comes back to them tenfolds. But remember, charmers, are not people-pleasers. They are solely allowing themselves to be vulnerable to society’s constant scrutiny. They believe in continually improving themselves, but they don’t obsess over perfection. Physical or social ideal doesn’t exist. Embrace who you are today!
Remember the actress who played “Baby” in “Dirty Dancing?” She was not a stunning, drop-dead gorgeous actress back then. But I’m sure the film directors knew what they were doing when they cast her in the role. The starlet had a sense of vulnerability and freshness about her. A flawless woman could never portray the part of a doctor’s principled and brave daughter.
“Baby,” aka Francis had wonderfully curly hair, petite figure, and a smile that lit up her entire face. In her distinctive way, she was beautiful. But the actress also had a big nose. Though her larger than what Hollywood “dictated” nose was her unique trait, she underwent plastic surgery. Why on earth did she do that?! Her nose and all of her features were what made her so appealing. No wonder her career fizzled after the surgery. She no longer looked like the “Baby” we all so loved. Instantly, that charm and uniqueness were gone. Undoubtedly, we all have that one or two or more body parts that we think should be perfect or altered. But who is to say what is in style, what is beautiful or what is acceptable? Who makes up these rules? Let us decide!
To inspire you further, today, if you don’t know how to be charming, start by being authentic in all you do, and everything will naturally fall into place. Sometimes it takes years to unlearn certain behaviors. But if you take one small step forward, by the end of each month, you will be able to see some significant improvements. Be kind to others, and treat everyone the same way you want to be treated, and that is a fine way to start being irresistible.
Perhaps you think I’m old fashioned. And, you know what – I am. But if you want to see an example of how to be charming – watch some of the old movies from the 50’s or ’60s. I noticed that charm was easily recognizable and much in style back then.
Fashion is a finicky business, and sometimes it likes to revert to its previous bearings. Before you know it – being charming will be a trend again. In the meantime – staying appealing to everyone you meet is a beautiful way to live your life.
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Photos by Caroline Hernandez on Unsplash
Feature Photo by Alvin Mahmudov on Unsplash
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