In today’s post, we discuss the five ways to add more spark to your marriage. I’ve shared recently that we celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary in August. How the time flies!
Today, I wanted to share some simple tips that you can do to add some spark to your relationship. Even if you are married five years, ten, twenty or more, I think there is always time for improvement.
I know that sometimes marriage can be exciting and fun, but sometimes it can get stagnant and kind of – for the lack of a better word: routine. I know this because it happens to us too. I also know that marriage is not like a romance novel or a romantic Hollywood movie. Marriage is tough; it’s difficult; it’s a lot of work. But it’s also funny sometimes, and adventurous if you let it be, and rewarding, and deeply binding.
So how do we add some spark if you find yourself on the complacent bandwagon lately?
Here are some tips that work for us.
Tip 1 – Talk less, love more.
This means, not over-analyzing everything the partner says, and: talk less. I know this can be harder to do for us, ladies because we’re so analytical, and we usually like to speak openly more than men. But I’ve learned that over the years, the less I demand that we “talk things out” – the better our relationship is. From experience, I’ve discovered that long one to one emotional/feelings type of conversation leads to even more touchy subjects and puts us at risk of an argument.
What works better is if we have a brief, maybe 5 to 10 minutes, Sunday morning, “situation check” to make sure we are on the same page, and then go for a walk, be together and enjoy the day while keeping things light, fun and relaxing.
Tip 2 – Pay each other compliments.
Nothing brings back more spark into any relationship than a first, heartful word said to your partner. For instance, saying something that acknowledges whatever they did as impressive. Sometimes this is worth more than an expensive gift or a dinner at a fancy restaurant.
Humans love to be praised and admired, and I’ve observed that recognition can ignite any relationship. As such, appreciation breeds love, and love breeds spark; a simple equation that is worth remembering, my friends.
Tip 3 – Go on a date.
I am sure you’ve heard this one before. Many life coaches talk about it, and it has been mentioned in various self-help books and articles all over the world. Guess what, they are right!
However, to us, this date is never really an expensive dinner or getting all dolled up. To us, a date is doing something different! It’s going on a one day trip together. Or, going for a drive into the sprawling North Carolina countrysides. Or, taking a hike in the nearby mountains. Or, checking out a new place of interest that we’ve never been to.
Yep, it’s those kinds of dates that are intimate, light, and fun to us. And, so wholesome and straightforward that they bring us closer every time.
Tip 4 – Random acts of kindness.
I am a big believer that in life, it’s the simple things that really matter. Just like in business, it’s the behind the scenes elements that genuinely form the success of an entity. Similarly, in marriage, it’s not the elaborate wedding, the five-carat rock or the 9000 square feet house that will seal the deal. It’s the actual journey and small little, sometimes ordinary, things that we do every single day that indeed formulate that intimate connection.
For example, making morning coffee for your partner, or picking up their favorite fruit or dessert on the way from work, or helping with house chores; or secretly making something they love to eat and putting it in the fridge. Or, a,s with me, it’s something as ordinary as my husband washing the pile of dirty pots and pans that won’t fit into the dishwasher after I’m done with cooking. Magic? Check!
I mean, this is so personal and individual, all you have to do is observe and do a random act of kindness without asking for anything in return. Then watch the magic sparks slowly shower you with light, love, and, consequently, passion.
Tip 5 – Spending time alone.
Yes, do separate from time to time. Do your own thing. Let him do his thing. Get busy doing the things you love. So that when you do go on that hike or for that walk together – you have something to talk about! This can be done even if you have kids. Let him take the kids, and you spend the day or weekend alone. See that old friend you meant to see. Go visit your parents. Be alone. Leave time for reflection. Let some fresh air flow into the proverbial “love room.”
My husband likes to go on solo mountain ventures by himself, and when he returns he is always excited to share what he saw in the mountains, and how fun his outing was. I, on the other hand, get to spend time on my own. Consequently, we get to miss each other for a bit. And, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Doesn’t it?
In summary, when you put those little sparks in your relationship day after day before you know it, you have collected so many tiny sparks that you acquire a loud, big bang.
Honestly, it is not complicated. After all, it is all about the simple things. That’s what ignites the relationship. One little spark at a time. You have to remember to be consistent, and don’t forget about them.
Most importantly, you have to be patient.
Have a wonderful weekend full of joy in your life, with plenty of love, and abundant happiness!